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trublu

Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 02:17:51 PM
Thank you Gema for this post.

It's easy to forget that many adults also are bullied, whether it be at home or in the workplace.

I had a very bad time in one job where I worked only with men and they bullied and were sexist. I was ashamed because I felt as an adult (I was 21 at the time), and I couldn't stand up for myself.

Did you know here in France we don't even have an exact translation for 'bullying'? It's like it doesn't exist, it does of course, and sexism is very prominent here in the south.
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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MJsBabyDoll

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Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 02:38:48 PM
That's so sad Trublu...and I am sorry for your experience....

Yes it's like people deny the existence of bullying....yet it is rampant....
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trublu

Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 02:40:32 PM
Quote from: "MJsBabyDoll"
That's so sad Trublu...and I am sorry for your experience....

Yes it's like people deny the existence of bullying....yet it is rampant....

It's ok sweetie I am much stronger now!

Love to you

 :)
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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MJsBabyDoll

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Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 02:47:34 PM
[/quote]

It's ok sweetie I am much stronger now!

Love to you

 :)[/quote]

 Love to you too Trublu! And I am glad that you are a lot stronger now....but was it ever about strength or more like not knowing how to deal with it?
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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trublu

Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 03:04:13 PM
Quote from: "MJsBabyDoll"
Love to you too Trublu! And I am glad that you are a lot stronger now....but was it ever about strength or more like not knowing how to deal with it?

I think it was both, but also about knowing how to value yourself. If you are told repeatedly that you are 'stupid' or whatever it may be it is difficult any to reprogram your thinking. (especially if it comes from authoritive figures like your parents or your boss or a teacher or whatever because naturally you have respect for them.)

I had a difficult childhood and I (if I'm honest) went round like a victim for quite a while. I realised one day that if you assume yourself to be a victim, well that's how people will treat you. Once you gain some respect for yourself, thats when others will have respect for you.

My philosophy on life is now this:

Whatever happens to me (I am talking as an adult- children don't have the power to make large life decisions)- whatever happens, whatever situation I'm in (a bad job, a bad relationship etc), well I only have myself to blame. Because I can choose to remove myself from such situations. At the same time though, I never had someone tell me to finish school, to go for my dreams etc, so whatever good I do in my life, I only have myself to be proud of.

It sounds selfish and I'm not very eloquent in English, but this way, you are always the one in control of your own life and nobody can make you feel anything without your permission.

x
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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MissGTopic starter

Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 03:12:26 PM
Thank you Trublu for sharing your experience.

Your case is not isolated. I am sure that your words will encourage those who felt or feel that way.

Be proud of your achievements and believe in yourself.

Hugs.
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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("Minkin güerveeeee")
Michael pls come back


"Why a four-year-old child could understand this hoax. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it"

MJsBabyDoll

  • Guest
Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 03:45:12 PM
[/quote]

I think it was both, but also about knowing how to value yourself. If you are told repeatedly that you are 'stupid' or whatever it may be it is difficult any to reprogram your thinking. (especially if it comes from authoritive figures like your parents or your boss or a teacher or whatever because naturally you have respect for them.)

I had a difficult childhood and I (if I'm honest) went round like a victim for quite a while. I realised one day that if you assume yourself to be a victim, well that's how people will treat you. Once you gain some respect for yourself, thats when others will have respect for you.

My philosophy on life is now this:

Whatever happens to me (I am talking as an adult- children don't have the power to make large life decisions)- whatever happens, whatever situation I'm in (a bad job, a bad relationship etc), well I only have myself to blame. Because I can choose to remove myself from such situations. At the same time though, I never had someone tell me to finish school, to go for my dreams etc, so whatever good I do in my life, I only have myself to be proud of.

It sounds selfish and I'm not very eloquent in English, but this way, you are always the one in control of your own life and nobody can make you feel anything without your permission.

x[/quote]


I agree with you... a difficult childhood does not help....it's strange though how people either become the abused or the abuser...I've always wondered what makes a person choose to abuse power over others...while the other group become victims...

What you say is not selfish at all, everyone has to learn to love themselves first, then we have something true to give to someone else.

It's true that healing comes from believing that you deserve to be treated better....but if you've never known better, that's kind of hard to do....I believe empowerment is the key to healing both the victims and the abusers....but this can also be hard to do because an individual has to be ready for that change...

I think it's important to understand the dynamics of the energy exchange that goes on between the bully and the victim...knowledge leads to informed choices....you cannot choose what you do not yet know...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and thanks to Gema for starting this thread....

Much love. XO
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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MissGTopic starter

Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 04:19:26 PM
BabyDoll, you make very good points.

I am very happy that we all together can exchange opinions, experiences and expertise about this  :D

The 1st step to solve a conflict, imo, is to start a dialog. We can evolve so much.

I am not awared of the phenomenom in every country but I guess that at the end the basis are just the same. So all of this info gathered here can really help to set a perspective on the problem  :)
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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("Minkin güerveeeee")
Michael pls come back


"Why a four-year-old child could understand this hoax. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it"

Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 05:09:39 PM
[quote="Gema"]Schools need more experts on the subject imo.[/quote]


Gema...I agree very much with that statement! The unfortunate reality is some schools just do not have the resources or training to know how to deal with bullying.

I am very blessed that my children attend a very small country school that really cares about their children. As some of you might know I have a 12 yr old Autistic son. He has in the past experienced a bit of bullying ( nothing serious, just name calling thank God!), but it was nipped in the bud right away as there is zero tolerance for that kind of abuse. But through the yrs of my son attending this school I have learned that it is not so much that these children like being mean. They just do not understand children with disabilities, whether it be mental or physical disabilities. And it not just the children who don't understand, it can be the adults also. So myself and his social worker have been working with the teachers, superintendent, and principles to help educate them on Autism. I have even offered to speak to the student body (out of my comfort zone, as I do not like talking in front of people) about what Autism is and give them a glimpse of the world through an Autistic child's eyes.  It's not easy thing to adjust to as I, myself am still learning about this mental challenge and how best to help my son. As a result, the school has applied for some grants to use for training in the area of Autism and are starting to take the initiative to educate the facility.  I am so grateful that my children are able to attend this school. Thank God Michigan has school of choice and I am able to pick the school I want my children to attend. I drive 120 miles a day to take my children to this school, as we moved a yr ago farther from the school.

So yes I agree the schools need more education and training on this subject. That's why I do what I can to help them in the area I know and have personal experience with. I want every challenged child, be it mentally/physically to have a enjoyable, enriching, safe, time at school and anything I can do to help make that happen I'll do!

*side note....I don't think it all is up to the schools though. Children need to be taught at home also. If parents taught their children to love unconditionally, and to accept those that are challenged. I don't think there would be as much of this abuse going on. I teach my children to not judge and to accept people for who they are. That everyone is challenged in one way or another... that no one is ever better than someone else....God created us all equally! I tell them to love everyone even those who do them wrong. And my Autistic son always tells me...."Mom..I have nothing but Peace, Love, and Joy in my heart" And he does, he never has a bad word to say about anyone, he loves everyone!

Thanks for starting this thread Gema...it needs some much more attention then it gets!

Love & Blessing to All!
Keep the Faith :)
Michael....I LOVE You MORE!!
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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MissGTopic starter

Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 06:01:34 PM
MJ_ForeverandAlways, I think that we had a chat last year (summer) about this same issue.
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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("Minkin güerveeeee")
Michael pls come back


"Why a four-year-old child could understand this hoax. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it"

Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 08:49:04 PM
Yes Gema...I believe we did!  :)


Love & Blessings to All!
Keep the Faith :)
Michael....We LOVE You More!!
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Re: Preventing bullying
November 05, 2010, 11:47:45 PM
Thank you Gema, in middle school I was bullied by a few girls, to the point where I would cry almost every night, and my parents constantly fighting all day wouldn't help. Now, I'm in high school, I'm no longer bullied, and I stand up for the ones that are, because I agree that no child should have to deal with this, I think bullying is extremely uncalled for, and for the kids who have committed suicide because of it, I just wish someone was there to stand up for them, and let them know that someone cares and that someone is there for them, because I felt so alone and worthless in middle school, I don't think anyone should ever feel like that, nobody deserves that.
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أملي هو فيكم.

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trublu

Re: Preventing bullying
November 06, 2010, 07:27:47 AM
Quote from: "MJFAN7"
Thank you Gema, in middle school I was bullied by a few girls, to the point where I would cry almost every night, and my parents constantly fighting all day wouldn't help. Now, I'm in high school, I'm no longer bullied, and I stand up for the ones that are, because I agree that no child should have to deal with this, I think bullying is extremely uncalled for, and for the kids who have committed suicide because of it, I just wish someone was there to stand up for them, and let them know that someone cares and that someone is there for them, because I felt so alone and worthless in middle school, I don't think anyone should ever feel like that, nobody deserves that.

Sorry you had to go through that  MJFAN7, well done for being so strong. I posted this song just now in the 'keep the faith' thread, but I will post it here too as I feel it applies.

Love to you

[youtube:8acxog5w]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcKoYGNj0BU[/youtube:8acxog5w]
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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MJsBabyDoll

  • Guest
Re: Preventing bullying
November 06, 2010, 09:19:31 AM
Quote from: "MJFAN7"
Thank you Gema, in middle school I was bullied by a few girls, to the point where I would cry almost every night, and my parents constantly fighting all day wouldn't help. Now, I'm in high school, I'm no longer bullied, and I stand up for the ones that are, because I agree that no child should have to deal with this, I think bullying is extremely uncalled for, and for the kids who have committed suicide because of it, I just wish someone was there to stand up for them, and let them know that someone cares and that someone is there for them, because I felt so alone and worthless in middle school, I don't think anyone should ever feel like that, nobody deserves that.

Yes MJFan7,
It breaks my heart when I hear someone has committed suicide because of being bullied. You are right, that all schools should have a support network and these issues should be openly discussed instead of being kept hushed up. My vision is to have global understanding, awareness and to have tools to deal with bullying and abuse of power at all levels, but my heart goes out especially to the young and vulnerable of society. However it is difficult to deal with at any age because of its hidden nature.
My love to you and I am very proud of you that you stand up for the ones who are still being bullied. Well done.  :)
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MissGTopic starter

Re: Preventing bullying
November 06, 2010, 01:09:17 PM
Sorry to hear about your school experience MJFAN7.

Thanks for sharing.
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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("Minkin güerveeeee")
Michael pls come back


"Why a four-year-old child could understand this hoax. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it"

 

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