New mods and the forum depression: Should we all take a break?

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Online ~Souza~

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After all the negative stuff happening lately, I have to say something and change some things. I almost closed down the forum if it wasn't for a few members that talked me out of it. I noticed lately that people are all getting a little weary and cranky. Same with me.

(That doesn't mean by the way that I made decisions on the forum recently only because of that. As always, there is a story behind everything and I just sent curls a long reply after she implied that I like to cause drama in public. I don't, I am disgusted by the drama, but sometimes I have to. I have tried to explain curls that you NEVER make the right decision as an admin, and that even though it sometimes looks like an issue comes up on the forum out of the blue, it doesn't mean it's something new that hasn't been playing for months or years already. Anyway, I am not going to discuss that further on here since I want to leave it behind us. Those who are interested can PM me. I told curls that I don't lie and if I can, I will always explain everything to those who will bother to ask me in person, instead of starting to discuss my actions behind my back. So please if ANYTHING is going on, if there are problems either with me or with another member, let me know.)

Anyway, I hope we can all get a little more positive. People told me that my mood as an admin affects people on the board. I hope that's not the case because I have so many problems in real life at the moment, that it's hard for me to keep that smile up constantly. But I saw voice being mad at bec about something I didn't really understand, Gina being hurt by a fellow member that sent her something very hurtful in PM (she didn't want me to address it, but I had to say something about that) and I have talked to many in PM the last couple of weeks who all felt weary, depressed, negative, emotional etc. It's not strange, it has been 35 months and it has been intense. And we're still not there yet. I understand the feeling of doubt and impatience. And I know that I haven't been little miss sunshine either but I want to make it clear that that is NOT because I think Michael won't bam, or because I think Michael is dead. Absolutely not, I still hold the same beliefs as I have been for the last three years. I just don't feel very good at the moment, please take that into account if one of my posts sounds negative. It has nothing to do with the hoax itself.

Anyway, someone suggested (I think it was RK) to close the forum for a few days so we could all take a mini-break. I don't mind, if the majority would think that is a good idea, I can do that. So let me know your thoughts on that.

Then we have the issue with the trolls. That Scream member is someone that shouldn't run into me in the streets, because if there is one thing that REALLY pisses me off, it's when people call me a nazi or a Hitler-lover. My grandfather was captured by the nazi's in WWII and was almost beaten to death, causing brain damage that made him blind for the rest of his life. My country has a history with the Nazi's and I will react stronger against people like that. That means that trolls like that get too much attention they don't deserve, so a solution was needed, because I get the feeling that (like Grace mentioned) more and more trolls will attack in the near future and I want to stay sane. So from now on, we have a new mod-team. I am still waiting for some people to reply, but so far we have:

Andrea   
BeTheChange   
lilwendy   
MaryK   
MJonmind   
paula-c      
RK
wishingstar


Of course bec and Forstamoon are still mods as well.

This is a variety of members. I can not imagine that there are members on here that dislike all of them or think neither of the mods can think for themselves. All of them will have the power to lock threads, delete posts and ban members and I trust every single one of them will be objective enough to make a decision like that. This way it's not just bec and me that make the decisions, but about a quarter of the people that is online on a daily basis will be able to make decisions to keep the board clean. Most of them have been here since the beginning or have shown to be objective. I can't see anyone having a problem with this list.

When the trolls keep coming we need to make sure we have each other's back. Even though there has been a lot of negativity, we should try to support each other like Grace mentioned. And no, we shouldn't always ignore, sometimes we need to fight back. Just not too long, it's not worth the energy.

Last request: please look at the menu on top. There are functions not used by people. The gallery, the news section (please post any article worth a mention there), the downloads for important documents, links if you have useful ones, use the calendar etc. Also, I would like people to ask the blog function more. SimpattyK, you have a lot of posts that belong in the blog section instead of on the forum. Please use it more. Lots of posts are not really posts to discuss and would do fine in the blog section.

Okay, I might have forgotten something, I will add later if I remember. Let's try to keep each other's heads above water and cheer each other up. I almost saw Gema and Gina fighting because of a misunderstanding. As long as we keep talking to each other, we will be fine and make it to the other side. I remember someone having that signature that we shouldn't worry because Michael is our driver and will bring us home safely, but I heard he's an aweful driver, which is maybe why the ride is so bumpy. I might be online a little less the next couple of weeks to deal with stuff in real life. If anyone wants to help out or contribute in any way (by keeping up with the news section for example, or to fill the links page), let me know.

Thanks

Offline Adi

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Thanks Souza. Good idea having extra mods to help with the workload.

I hope everything will be Ok for you.




Online Andrea

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You don't have an easy job Souza and it's perfectly understandable to want to take a break when you need one.  You do an amazing job as our admin but you're right, not everyone is going to like all of your decisions.  I guess that's just the way it is.  You definitely deserve a non-moldy cake at the end of this all!

I don't know if it's necessary to shut the forum down for a few days with all the new mods - we got your back and can keep the house clean if you need a break.  We're here to lift some weight off your shoulders, bec's too.  But it's up to you, perhaps a break for a few days will be good for everyone.  Selfishly, I don't want the forum shut down for any length of time but I'll be fine without it. (although I'll miss it!)

There has been some negativity here lately, I don't feed it but I definitely see it.  This hoax has been a long term commitment for many of us and no BAM yet can be discouraging for some.  I think this is an individual test of faith for everyone.  The hoax is what you make of it and if someone chooses to be negative all the time, then it's not going to be enjoyable experience for them.  I'm generally a positive person so I suppose I've had an easier journey than some.  I don't like fighting or arguing so I avoid that sort of thing, and I've never had problems in PM.  Basically what I'm saying is my perspective of this drama is from the outside, as I've never been directly involved.  I do see it though, it seems to come in waves.

I'll understand and respect whatever you decide Souza.  Take care of yourself and thank you for doing what you do!

Offline BeTheChange

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Thank you Souza for taking the time to address some issues and for doing it very candidly.  We've often compared this place to a home...and I view Souza as the 'mom' lol...probably because I am a mom myself and I see a lot of similar circumstances/decisions/problems that she has to deal with running the 'house' as I do with my own.  It's a very demanding job...physically, mentally and emotionally...and you're often the one 'working' while everyone else is having fun or causing problems (which then requires a shift in work duties lol).  But you keep on working because you've poured your blood, sweat and tears into it all.  It's also a very thankless job...sure, there are moments of appreciation and sincere gratitude shown to you....but overall, it's not the highest praising job in the world lol.  But you do it anyway...because something inside you tells you it's all worth it.

The 'vibe' lately has shifted in the 'house'....and I do know that some are feeling like perhaps a break is needed.  And if that is the case, then a break should be taken.  It is better to step away from something if it is bringing you negativity....likewise, it's best to step away if the only thing you can bring to something is negativity.  There's nothing wrong with taking a break...for a day, a week, or a month....or even just from a post that is causing you to feel and/or respond in negativity.  I've taken breaks along the way...times when I've felt 'off' and didn't feel like I could add anything positive because I was just so bogged down with other 'stuff'....we ALL have a life outside this forum.  It doesn't even have to be an announced break...although I would worry about some of you if you just stopped coming around without a word.  But I don't think the forum needs to be shut down in order for those that need a break to take one. 

As Andrea said...the extra mods will (hopefully) be able to hold down the fort should Souza or bec decide they need a break...now or at any time.  It, most definitely, has not been an easy journey....and we may still have several months ahead of us before we reach that destination.  Let's try to help each other get there with as few 'bumps' as possible...while not losing sight of what got us to where we are right now.

With L.O.V.E. always.
The beauty of Michael Jackson is found in his heart and soul...his enormous talent is a bonus and what a bonus it is.

~PLAY the moments...PAUSE the memories...STOP the pain...REWIND the happiness~

Offline bec

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Don't close.

If anyone needs a break they need to be woman or man enough to determine that for themselves. Those who don't need a break don't need one imposed upon them. Self responsibility, we can all muster it. We are a good group.
Are you entertained?

Offline Adi

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Souza you have done an amazing job here, for a very long time too, and it is BY FAR the most informative and interesting hoax forum there is available. However, I can appreciate you needing to take a break. With the increase in moderator numbers there are enough people here to deal with the a*seholes whose seemingly only function is to initiate chaos.

I know there are times I don't want to be here so I stay well away. As adults we should all be able to make that call when we feel something is bringing us down.

Agree, I think the Forum should stay open.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2012, 01:11:36 AM by Adi »

Offline RK

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Actually, it was me who said a hoax- detox  could be possibly a good thing for many of us, but finished the sentence with I hope you decide not to do it. So even I am against shutting the forum to read only for a few days.  I thought I could sense that Souza was pretty much exhausted, [ seems I wasn't too far off the mark as she said she nearly shut down]...The mini break was an idea  to take the pressure down.....I had pictures of us all walking out into the sunshine and fresh air and snapping out of whatever angst and negativity that was going on at the time by the change of environment. So, yes, Bec, I think we [ meaning those who need to]  can all be mature enough to at least balance our lives better. Lets be honest...it's not been an easy gig to keep work, family, house and garden, and friends + hoax land going in this 3 year long juggling act. Tired people can be vulnerable to emotional outbursts.
With all the new mods, I hope things will be easier with the upkeep of our house. Many hands make light work my Mum used to say.  And yes...we will do our best to stay  more positive.
 

Offline GINAFELICIA

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Hi. I vote for the site to remain open.

Offline Grace

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Thank you Souza for your excellent choice of mods and as bec said, everyone is mature enough to decide to take a break or not when the hoax is impacting real life. Thanks to all new mods for stepping in and helping us!

I am absolutely convinced we will make it and everything will turn out fine.

Maybe we can try to drink a cup of tea before replying to a post that clicks our emotional buttons and use PM more often when we need to address a subject to only one person.

I really don't think we need to close the forum. It is our time to shine and we can do that.

Best wishes to you, Souza, and a truckload of thank you for your dedication and never ending contributions.

This goes to everybody here, especially the weary:

 :bearhug:
« Last Edit: May 30, 2012, 02:17:03 AM by Grace »
Create your day. Create the most astounding year of your life. Be the change you want to see in the world! L.O.V.E.
***********************************************************************************************
"I am tired, I am really tired of manipulation." Michael Jackson, Harlem, New York, NY, July 6, 2002
***********************************************************************************************
******* Let's tear the walls in the brains of this world down.*******

Time to BE.

Offline MJonmind

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My hat is off to you Souza, for taking on such a humongous project for almost 3 years! :th_bravo:
I really do wish you the relaxation, health, and time to take care of matters in your personal life. God's blessings on you and yours!
I really believe what you're doing may be of epic importance for MJ and for the world, who knows exactly!

I naturally don't want the forum to be closed for breaks, but if sometime down the road you decide it's best, then my suggestion would be perhaps that it would be well announced ahead of time so people who have been away for a week or to aren't caught off guard and panic. Perhaps if the forum was closed for 3 or 4 days every few weeks or month on a regular schedule, so we know ahead of time and everyone is confident things will be okay.  The worst thing for me has been the times in the past when there were sudden crashes and huge unexpected changes. It caused me a lot of stress so I couldn't even enjoy doing all the other things I needed to do in life--I was so worried that it was the end.  Well those are some of my thoughts.  I don't stress too much about fighting on the forum, since I generally try to back away from that, if it gets too hot.  The only time I'm really sad is when members that I appreciate, get into a spat with someone and leave. Oh and also it really frosts me when people are attacking and slandering you Souza. :icon_evil: We here will be your defenders. This is our online home all together!  :beerchug:

Offline Ijustcantstoplovingu

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This is a long and sometimes weary path we are on, as we journey towards the truth with all its twists and turns!  We have been on this road approaching 3 year now, if individual members need to take a break to recharge their batteries that is a good thing, but its up to the individual to make their own decision and step away from the keyboard  :Crash:

I personally really appreciate that this forum is available, and the time and effort and committment it must take to keep it running, it must be draining at times.  I hope that with the extra mods will give you more time and space to deal with your own life challenges Souza and I truly hope that you will soon be feeling less pressured. 

Although I dont post much these days on the forum, I do read daily and continue my research. 

With love and respect to you, it carnt have been easy for you on this journey, but be assurred we have your back!

 :bearhug: :bearhug:   :th_bravo:

Offline lilwendy

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I think it's been said already, but I'll say it again: we do appreciate all you do Souza (and all the mods) and I think more mods is definitely going to help. 

Looking forward to a more positive board for all!

Offline 2good2btrue

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Just sending my L.O.V.E to all.....and letting you know that I am still here too but don't have enough time to help out with the forum at the moment...

Souza, I admire your courage and hard work.  I would have never been able to do what you have done.

This place has been my 2nd family for nearly 3 years now...I can assure you...it's not going away.

We may never know how, when or why Michael had to hoax his death.......but I'm sure all of us here have a common goal.

We will continue this adventure TOGETHER...God bless to you Souza and enjoy your time away.  I will be thinking of you and praying that everything will be ok in your personal life..
 :'( :'( :'(

Offline SimPattyK

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Quote from: Souza
[...]SimpattyK, you have a lot of posts that belong in the blog section instead of on the forum. Please use it more. [....]
Ok Souza.
Stupid me, now I finally understood what was the blog created for.
I won't be bothering you here on the forum, promise.



Offline sandythyme

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Souza you already know how I feel about you.....how could you forget my long winded PM :)  It's been a long 3 years, everyone is just tired.  Bec you said it best, if anyone needs a break let them determine this on their own.  I think the extra help with the new mods is a great idea.  All REALLY great people!  Souza, I hope life goes smoother for you here and home.  You deserve only the best :bearhug:

Offline everlastinglove_MJ

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First of all Souza, please take your time needed to settle things in real life, which is the basic stuff that needs to be rebalanced. There will be better times, I'm sure  :bearhug:

Thank you mods and new mods for your work.

I don't think we need to close the forum either. I think each of us could take a personal short break now and then to clear our minds, a sort of "mind reset" lol, and return with a more objective view on things (it works with me anyways :icon_e_wink:).

I still have faith and I'm happy to be on this journey, even when the road gets bumpy sometimes :icon_bounce: , it's all for L.O.V.E.

with LOVE always
It's all for L.O.V.E.

Offline LUNA

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i hope the website will not be closed! if some1 need a "holiday",they can do it the same.... every day,i need 2 bring myself up 2 date with the latest news (even if there have been some periods during which i've been abroad or busy and during which i didn't join the forum every day) and i think many members need 2..... admin's point of view is understandable:maybe (surely?),she needs an help:the members r too many and sometimes they have problem with each other and i think it's normal....;obviously,i could not be the right person 4 being a mod,because (unfortunately 4 me) i'm not a native english speaker.
however,i think it's a "miracle" if so many ppl,from every part of world,have been united 4 searching the same true... it's a miracle if we've been able 2 join the forces 4 the same cause....
good luck 2 the forum and.... stay tuned! the best is yet 2 come.
l.o.v.e.


*LUNA*
MAKEthatCHANGE.....
[http]]

Offline sweetsunsetwithMJ

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Ok guys I think you have said it all but there is something very important left to say:  I think somebody like Michael Jackson deserves to have a place like this forum to honor him, to honor his artwork, to honor his humanitarian works and to honor his brilliant death hoax which has changed our lives and the way to face them, he has opened our eyes and for that he has counted with this awesome platform full of warrior members who have given all their love, work and time to figure out clues and hints and connect dots, it's sure that Michael is proud of us, that is the reason why this site should remain open.

As I have already said on another thread, I am very grateful to Souza and Bec for giving me the chance to get in direct touch with Front=Michael and be able to enjoy this breathtaking adventure all together. I think, as Grace says, that Souza has made an excellent choice of new Mods to keep our house clean once and for all.

Ps. I really hope from the bottom of my heart that this forum remains peaceful all over and rants get over, excluding of course Front's rants which will always be welcome.  :LolLolLolLol:
« Last Edit: May 30, 2012, 05:51:44 PM by sweetsunsetwithMJ »
I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE!!

Offline mattie

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Hello Souza.

I am not posting much,because i find it difficult expressing myself in the English language.
But i read for almost 3 years now..i am here every day,and i see what is going on.
I aprieciate everything you did Souza, but i dont envy you.
You are in an impossible situation  sometimes.
but from me, and the bottom of my heart..THANKS!
Greetings Mattie


You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the
people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.

Offline paula-c

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Thank you Souza for your excellent choice of mods and as bec said, everyone is mature enough to decide to take a break or not when the hoax is impacting real life. Thanks to all new mods for stepping in and helping us!

I am absolutely convinced we will make it and everything will turn out fine.

Maybe we can try to drink a cup of tea before replying to a post that clicks our emotional buttons and use PM more often when we need to address a subject to only one person.

I really don't think we need to close the forum. It is our time to shine and we can do that.

Best wishes to you, Souza, and a truckload of thank you for your dedication and never ending contributions.

This goes to everybody here, especially the weary:

 :bearhug:





It is true if someone feels tired is good tomerse a break ( i had a forced rest for a few days and i'm fine ) :icon_mrgreen:, ..seriously, a rest is necessary for all. Thanks to Souza for his work and we're going to keep this forum clean of trolls and provocative people.

Offline missudi

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I dont post very often,but read and catch up if I cant make it some days,Love the forum,its been an insite for me,learnt so much,especially about our beautiful Michael,Dont close,take a well deserved break Souza and Bec,but please come back,

Offline MaryK

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It´s never easy when a group of people become merged for whatever reason.

Be it at school or at work, in a sports club, in a circle of friends....whatever.


When people come together for a certain reason or purpose we have a base.

Thus the interaction between the members can be called the base frame.

A group always represents a melting pot of all kinds of personalities.
In addition to that everyone brings their own experiences in life, their own background, their own mindset, values, beliefs, hopes, expectations etc.
Also everybody brings their „mood of the day“.

So depending on the interaction between the members of the group the base frame can either be or become solid or shaky.

It´s called group dynamics.

Group dynamics involves all kind of behaviors and „forces“.
There are positive AND negative forces within a group.
It´s an ever flowing process, a struggle for unity and consensus.
Only when there is a consensus the group can function in an efficient and harmonious way.

Long story short: it all boils down to: united we stand, divided we fall.

So here are my humble thoughts and suggestions for a better togetherness:

I really encourage everybody to use pms more often.

If you hold a grudge against somebody: try to talk to them in private first, don´t jump down their throat immediately in public.

But if you decide to argue in public:

If you get the feeling that somebody is overshooting please feel free to call them out but do it in a respectful and considerate way.

If you get stuck during an argument with somebody please ASK for help and mediation and do not carry it to extremes so that Souza or a mod MUST intervene.

If you feel angry, dissapointed or misunderstood: please speak up and do not feel discouraged because somebody is a long-term member or a mod or the admin.

Also: if you get the feeling that anyone is misusing their „powers“ as a mod or an admin, please talk to them, state your point of view and embark on a mature discussion in private.
Please think about this: it´s not always easy to run a tight ship. Sometimes the "people in power" need to be assertive and there are rules to go by. But that does not mean that there is no honest concern or tolerance and give-and-take.
And: we´re all human after all.

Please also remember that the „public face“ of the forum is something we should all keep in mind while posting.

Never allow someone to treat you unfair but also please try not to think, feel and act hostile all of the time.

Remember to always really talk with one another. Talk, ask and sort things out. Talking is so important.

And last but not least:

One more important thing (IMO): please do not burden Souza only with all your concerns.
We have quite a few „staff“ shoulders here now that you can cry on.  :icon_e_wink:
All of us, who are mods now, will try to answer, discuss and mediate or comfort if needed.

Souza: you did an incredible job here so far and you continue to do so!
Please take all the time you need to rest and arrange things in your private life.
Take time to breathe, grow and heal.
We´ll be here to support and disburden you.


I really believe that we can work it all out together and recreate a harmonious atmosphere.

All of you here are dear to my heart and I appreciate and enjoy all the different characters, personalities and mindsets.

I would like to close with a verse that always struck a chord with me:

Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

With love

Mary


You and I were never separate

It's just an illusion

Wrought by the magical lens of Perception



Offline RK

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.sweetsunset said....
Quote
Ps. I really hope from the bottom of my heart that this forum remains peaceful all over and rants get over, excluding of course Front's rants which will always be welcome. 

 :thjajaja121:....Absolutely....Front's rants are always welcome.   :thjajaja121:

Offline curls

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(That doesn't mean by the way that I made decisions on the forum recently only because of that. As always, there is a story behind everything and I just sent curls a long reply after she implied that I like to cause drama in public. I don't, I am disgusted by the drama, but sometimes I have to. I have tried to explain curls that you NEVER make the right decision as an admin, and that even though it sometimes looks like an issue comes up on the forum out of the blue, it doesn't mean it's something new that hasn't been playing for months or years already. Anyway, I am not going to discuss that further on here since I want to leave it behind us. Those who are interested can PM me. I told curls that I don't lie and if I can, I will always explain everything to those who will bother to ask me in person, instead of starting to discuss my actions behind my back. So please if ANYTHING is going on, if there are problems either with me or with another member, let me know.)


How I wish Souza, that you hadn't mentioned my name in this post. You could have made your point equally well without doing that. I was all set to reply to a couple of things in PM, that you mentioned in your long PM to me. But by bringing something to the public forum that I said in private to you, you have forced me to respond, also in public, which I really don't want to do. Not because I'm embarrassed by what I said but because you cherry picked the harshest thing I wrote without mentioning the bits that went before or after in my message, and I feel that was unfair of you. It makes me feel like I am the next target for your frustrations and you're making sure everyone else is now wary of me (the reason you gave me for making things public - to protect other members). I really hope this is not your intention but that is how it has come across to me after your explanations. To add insult to injury you then go on to invite members to PM you for more information - that is just horrible. I feel very let down, when I was only trying to help with some constructive criticism.

So that everyone knows the full story behind what I actually said, this is my PM, which was in reply to yours asking me "You think I like addressing people in public?" :

« Sent to: ~Souza~ on: May 29, 2012, 05:19:52 PM »

Souza, there's no easy way to say this, but it sometimes looks as if you DO like addressing people in public, or maybe it's just that you're (understandably) at the end of your tether and can't step back and see things objectively. Like I said in the thread Grace started, the tone of a forum is set by the admin, and I can't help but wonder hoaxily sometimes if you purposely start or prolong drama for some 'unknown-to-ordinary-members' reason!  :suspect: Otherwise, I cannot see why you do not make more use of those admin 'powers' that I keep mentioning! I hope you will help me understand why you seem reluctant to use them to nip problems in the bud.

I take your point that maybe this is not as easy as it seems to a non-techie person like me. And of course I would never make any demands or expect that you do anything just because of my feelings. You can do what you like on your forum. But you do have a 'delete' button, don't you?

I hope you can take my messages in the spirit they are intended. You have an uneviable task here, and I know whatever you do or don't do there will always be those that will not be satisfied. I am simply trying to help find a different approach to forum problems, to foster a calmer atmosphere, without giving you a shed-load more work!

curls x


Finally, you assumed incorrectly the reason I brought all of this up in the first place. It was not about the two members you mentioned (who, incidentally, I have been wary of through contact in PMs, long before you ever made anything 'public'). It was another unprovoked reaction on the Sign 3 thread, that I still maintain could have been dealt with in PM, no matter what history there may have been. That is what caused me to post my first thoughts:

Official back & Front thread

Souza, I'm really sorry I had to make this uncharacteristic post. Thank you for your explanations - I understand completely where you're coming from and won't trouble you again with suggestions that won't fit in with your way of running things.

I'm sorry also if you're having a bad time in your 'real' life. Take a well needed break. I may join you!

Online ~Souza~

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You know, I will refrain from posting completely from now on. I posted your pm (and I didn't mention anything in detail) as an example because I know there are others saying the same thing, yet behind my back. You are in NO WAY a 'target' for me and the fact that you imply that only shows that maybe you didn't understand my pm to you at all. If you had really read it, you knew I never meant it in that way. I have no idea what I have done to you ever, or other people for that matter, but I am done with people thinking for me and assuming things that aren't true.

I wanted to try and explain something, yet I have again two angry members simply because my words are misread. What more can I do? Have fun all, I see no fun in posting anymore. You can email me if the forum is down and I will see if I feel like fixing it. I feel stupid and naive for putting so much time and effort into something that brings me nothing but hate. I'm done.