I can't do this anymore guys

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Offline mjgirl86

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I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 25, 2009, 08:39:23 PM
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline LucyLocket

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 25, 2009, 08:47:27 PM
((Hugs)) to you, mjgirl86.  I feel confident in saying that we are here for you.  Many of us have had similar feelings as you have described.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Iused2dream

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 25, 2009, 08:56:15 PM
I sent you a PM...hope u are bk online sometime & read it!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Michael-IS-Beautiful

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 25, 2009, 09:26:19 PM
Life isnt a "precious gift" its a punishment, or a lesson to be learned. Dont be so down on yourself, you're already going through hell. No things don't really get better, if its anyhelp Mj has never really seemed to be an entirely happy person, he loved people the way we need to be loved and maybe hoping for someone as sweet as you and himself all he got was sht, people always hurt him, and if he didnt die, there were times he must have felt like it. And even if you dont ever meet mj, you are more mj than anyone whos met him because you feel his pain.
« Last Edit: November 27, 2009, 12:01:30 AM by Michael-IS-Beautiful »

"Your angel is a speck of light perched at the very center of your heart. It is smaller than an atom, but just wait. Once you get close to it, your angel will expand. The closer you come, the more it will grow..."[/i]

MJsSuperflyPYT

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 25, 2009, 10:24:55 PM
Lots of hugs and prayers to you mjgirl86.  I enjoyed your posts and especially your wallpapers.  I want to thank you again for the ones you made for me *heart smilie*.  Take care and hope to see you here again.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline OneStepCloser

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 25, 2009, 10:28:53 PM
I'm so sorry for ur pain, my heart aches. I'm also going through some quite bad issues at the moment but I wont go into detail about that. I'll just say that when I'm around people I clam up reaaaal bad, I can sit there and they can all talk but I'm so shy that I cant even look into their eyes or I think I will die from embarrassment. There is other stuff too but its to painful to talk about.
You are not alone. I hope you resolve this very soon and come back here.
Though I never spoke to you, I will miss you.
Hugs and prayers - x
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »



Offline lotus_sutra

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 25, 2009, 10:56:31 PM
(((((((mjgirl)))))) peace, light and love to you dear girl...please don't go, not because of the forum but because you were able to reach out here.  While I do not walk in your shoes I do understand 'clinical major depression' and everything that you wrote fits the diagnosis ( I am not a physician and am not labeling you), I am someone that has had to battle it my entire life.  I implore you to speak with a counselor... if you find it difficult to talk during your appointment write it in a letter before hand.  You write beautifully, your emotions poured through your message...this is what I have done in the past, it honestly helped because I didn't feel as though I even deserved to be making someone listen to me!  I am sure to most that sounds ridiculous as that is what you are there for and paying them for their service, but when you are feeling so low you honestly feel worthless!
There is more out there and you do deserve all of it!!!!  Please pm me if I am able to help in any possible way, I care for you and see the beautiful light in you!!!!  If at all possible find the time to visit a homeless shelter, animal rescue society, or a food bank over the holidays...you will be amazed what helping someone else does to boost your serotonin level and make you feel that you do have something to offer no matter how small!  It's a slow climb, and sometimes you slip but never give up!  Namaste.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline mjgirl86

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 26, 2009, 08:02:08 PM
Thanks everyone for your nice replies... and to those who sent me PM's... thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.. I will try and be strong, but I am still very sad right now...

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family, but of course the topic of Michael Jackson popped up... my aunt asked me what the status was on Murray, and I explained that they were letting him work etc, and how some fans were mad about that, and some other family members joined in, and said, "He didn't even kill Michael." I sat quietly, then they said, "Michael chose to take those pills. No one is to blame but himself. He made that choice, and did that to himself."

Now, this bothers me, even though we know the real situation, (Or at least that what happened that day is false), but to know that people would think he would be so careless, and destroy himself... it just bothers me... :(

Anyways, I am trying to be happy... thanks everyone.. I will try and post when I can on here. I love you all.

*Hugs & Kisses*
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline MissG

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 26, 2009, 08:22:52 PM
Quote from: "mjgirl86"
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....

[youtube:3384mnfu]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-G8IfjPAII[/youtube:3384mnfu]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
("Minkin güerveeeee")
Michael pls come back


"Why a four-year-old child could understand this hoax. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it"

Offline SPAKKLE29FUL

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 27, 2009, 08:53:48 AM
i dont wanna do this anymore but i cant help myself its like an addiction i cannot stay away  im afraid im here to the very end whenever that may be
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline dexember

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: November 27, 2009, 10:30:23 AM
Aw, I hope you feel better soon! If you ever need someone to talk to you can add me on msn, dexember@live.com

So much love for you here, I hope you feel it :)
Good luck with getting everything on track
I wish you the best. L.O.V.E. :)
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Offline icebluestarlight

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 10, 2009, 07:38:35 PM
Sort yourself out and come back soon we will be waiting for you.  Be strong.  We will pray for you xx
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Offline SPAKKLE29FUL

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 09:28:20 AM
:cry: i  need help from my family i have not lost my faith ,cos i no mj is alive.it is all this running around i cant take it much more,it is like someone is playing games with us,ok mj wants us to no he is alive,but its getting to much,i think me and BAXTER need to stay in the padded cell for a few days ,i really am losing it now ,i cant play this game till he returns,to many people are getting hurt ,its all these fake mjs out there on youtube,twitter and facebook,and everywhere else,they suck people in then they turn out to be fake and so many people get hurt.i do think mj is out there trying to speak with us but how will we really no if it is him,and is there not a better way to do it without breaking so many hearts,i hope you all understand what i mean :?
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Offline onemorechance

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
Quote from: "mjgirl86"
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....

Please please don't do this, just think about how Michael would be saddened by reading your post, and who knows maybe he is actually reading it!!! Just think about it. You are not less than anyone around you, pls!!!!  you are a unique individual. I'm sure. Please take care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think about Michael. You sure want to be around when he comes back, don't you??? :mrgreen:
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Offline Leah-Kim

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 09:36:57 AM
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Everyday creates your HIStory.........
Everypath you take your leaving your legacy.......

Offline Alem (Thetruth)

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 10:29:41 AM
“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with"

Michael Jackson
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
All he wanted was the mountain high
Beyond these boundaries,he wanted to fly
In nature\'s scheme,never to die
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Offline Brilly

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 10:30:34 AM
i think that it's sad to see how many people GOT LOST the faith
what do you want?do you want that michael come out 4 people who is loosing faith?
he told us that he is alive in EACH WAY..
it's your own INTEREST get his messagge..otherwise CRY ALL DAY 4 ALL DAYS .
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Offline Harleyblonde

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 10:52:57 AM
Honey-you were on the old forum speaking words much the same as you have here and you got some wonderful responses from our sweet caring members trying to make you feel better with wonderful words of comfort. This obviously didn't work as time has lapsed and you are still suffering and crying out for help. I said it then and I will say it now-you need professional help. Do please go and talk to your Doctor, it may be a case of a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be put right by medication, am not saying it is this but my friend suffered for years before they found the right diagnosis and she has never looked back and is now living a normal happy life. Whatever is wrong with you can be sorted. Do not suffer any longer than you need to.
You say you cannot hurt your family any more but don't you think them seeing you like this is hurting them? Don't you think they want to see you happy and not wasting your life feeling pain and worthlessness? Please seek help as kind words of comfort and encouragement are cleariy not working. Take care and please do not waste your young life suffering.
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Offline Infinitylady

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 04:50:10 PM
Harley,

I am concerned. I read what she wrote and it don't sound good. :( I will be praying for this young woman as I can relate to some of the things that she feels about herself. You just never know what people are dealing with in their personal life. When you think you got it bad someone has it just as worse as you.
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Offline mjj29081958

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 04:56:55 PM
Quote from: "SPAKKLE29FUL"
:cry: i  need help from my family i have not lost my faith ,cos i no mj is alive.it is all this running around i cant take it much more,it is like someone is playing games with us,ok mj wants us to no he is alive,but its getting to much,i think me and BAXTER need to stay in the padded cell for a few days ,i really am losing it now ,i cant play this game till he returns,to many people are getting hurt ,its all these fake mjs out there on youtube,twitter and facebook,and everywhere else,they suck people in then they turn out to be fake and so many people get hurt.i do think mj is out there trying to speak with us but how will we really no if it is him,and is there not a better way to do it without breaking so many hearts,i hope you all understand what i mean :?

Sending hugs to Baxter and you!

Maybe keep you off from this site some days could help you to clear your mind! Then you will be able to get out from your padded cell! Lol!
 
Now serious quote, I don't know how can I help you, so I encourage you re-read that annie's thread "Fake MJ..." on old mjkit... Hope it helps!

Hugs, feel better soon!
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Offline badloving

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 05:14:39 PM
please keep the faith and try to be strong...i have days when i feel exactly like you but you must seek little but good things in life...like one dear friend, one animal dear to you...a walk outside, a piece of music...anything that can make you feel better...i also had and still have sometimes horrible days (especially after 25th of june) and remember you are not alone in all this...there are persons here who feel the same as you...
for myself i know that this place have helped me feel better about what happened to michael, just to share my feelings and to see people who understand and feel the same....it helped a lot and it still does for me....
i am a depresive person too but there are little things who make me feel better, even for a moment...you just have to find them...and just know that seeking professional help is nothing to be ashame of...
so, that being said i hope i'll see you around and feeling better...and you can PM me if you want someone to talk to..
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

[size=85]...since you went away, Don\'t you know
I sit around with my head hanging down,
And I wonder...who\'s loving you!?[/size]
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Offline mumof3

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 05:50:56 PM
This is scaring me  reading about how lost and hurt and low people are I knew this was going to happen if something did not happen  we cant pin all our hopes on Michael even if we want too,it is too much of a burden on one person we have to look at all the good things Michael has done in his life and let it carry us along he would not want to upset or hurt any of you I have had a lot of problems in my life the past 2 weeks and when  i am dealing with it I think what would Michael say or do I am not dealing with it as well as he would but i am trying to understand  but i am scared for all of you as this is tipping you over the edge and I dont know what to say too help you..
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline mumof3

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 05:57:50 PM
Quote from: "mjgirl86"
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....
PLease look after  yourself
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Harleyblonde

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 06:09:46 PM
Quote from: "Infinitylady"
Harley,

I am concerned. I read what she wrote and it don't sound good. :( I will be praying for this young woman as I can relate to some of the things that she feels about herself. You just never know what people are dealing with in their personal life. When you think you got it bad someone has it just as worse as you.

Yes, I agree but clearly this young Lady is suffering and definetly needs help. Yes many suffer in their personal lives and whatever is wrong there is always someone who has it worse-always but when you are feeling like this it does not matter how much others are suffering-you feel too low to care or indeed care about yourself. I saw my friend in a really bad way often and her good days were bad and her bad days were hell and no matter what you said or did helped. I hope to never see her in such pitiful state again-she just didn't care what happened to her. I have seen some terrible things when I lived in Africa but even through huge hardships, poverty and desperation I always saw a glimmer of hope and survival in the very poor who had nothing, when you are in a depressive state such as our member here there is no glimmer of hope, no motivation and no self worth. All is not lost though as she is aware of how she is and that is step one. My love-if you are reading this you will be aware this is true and please please seek help. Look forward to happier times when you can take pride in yourself and relish the wonderful things in life, nature, animals, children etc.There is so much to do in life-go seek help, then make friends, there are many young lonely people- and get out there and LIVE!!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Mungu awape imani.
God give you faith.

Offline AnnieIsNotOK

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Re: I can't do this anymore guys

  • on: December 11, 2009, 07:57:06 PM
Quote from: "SPAKKLE29FUL"
:cry: i  need help from my family i have not lost my faith ,cos i no mj is alive.it is all this running around i cant take it much more,it is like someone is playing games with us,ok mj wants us to no he is alive,but its getting to much,i think me and BAXTER need to stay in the padded cell for a few days ,i really am losing it now ,i cant play this game till he returns,to many people are getting hurt ,its all these fake mjs out there on youtube,twitter and facebook,and everywhere else,they suck people in then they turn out to be fake and so many people get hurt.i do think mj is out there trying to speak with us but how will we really no if it is him,and is there not a better way to do it without breaking so many hearts,i hope you all understand what i mean :?

Dear SPAKKLE,I understand how you feel...Some malicious people are out there 'cause they're non-believers and I guess they don't have much to do with their time but to mock us...I don't read those things,I don't think Michael would go on facebook or whatever to talk to us...All these theories lately too, have giving me splitting headaches and for now I try to focuss only on the more down to earth clues...I don't have a choice!"Annie airhead" just can't absorb much these days :shock: :lol:  :lol: So if you need to stay in your padded cell with Baxter for a few days,it's fine with me ;) .....just don't forget to grab a  writing pad and a pen to write your "I told you so speech"... You'll need it sooner or later!!!
                                Take care!(From headless chicken no.2... :lol:  :lol: )
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »



 

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