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I can't do this anymore guys
November 25, 2009, 07:39:23 PM
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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Re: I can't do this anymore guys
November 25, 2009, 07:47:27 PM
((Hugs)) to you, mjgirl86.  I feel confident in saying that we are here for you.  Many of us have had similar feelings as you have described.
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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http]

[size=85]Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can, As long as ever you can.
-John Wesley
 English religious leader (1703 - 1791)
[/size]

Re: I can't do this anymore guys
November 25, 2009, 07:56:15 PM
I sent you a PM...hope u are bk online sometime & read it!
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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Re: I can't do this anymore guys
November 25, 2009, 08:26:19 PM
Life isnt a "precious gift" its a punishment, or a lesson to be learned. Dont be so down on yourself, you're already going through hell. No things don't really get better, if its anyhelp Mj has never really seemed to be an entirely happy person, he loved people the way we need to be loved and maybe hoping for someone as sweet as you and himself all he got was sht, people always hurt him, and if he didnt die, there were times he must have felt like it. And even if you dont ever meet mj, you are more mj than anyone whos met him because you feel his pain.
Last Edit: November 26, 2009, 11:01:30 PM by Michael-IS-Beautiful
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"Your angel is a speck of light perched at the very center of your heart. It is smaller than an atom, but just wait. Once you get close to it, your angel will expand. The closer you come, the more it will grow..."[/i]

MJsSuperflyPYT

  • Guest
Re: I can't do this anymore guys
November 25, 2009, 09:24:55 PM
Lots of hugs and prayers to you mjgirl86.  I enjoyed your posts and especially your wallpapers.  I want to thank you again for the ones you made for me *heart smilie*.  Take care and hope to see you here again.
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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Re: I can't do this anymore guys
November 25, 2009, 09:28:53 PM
I'm so sorry for ur pain, my heart aches. I'm also going through some quite bad issues at the moment but I wont go into detail about that. I'll just say that when I'm around people I clam up reaaaal bad, I can sit there and they can all talk but I'm so shy that I cant even look into their eyes or I think I will die from embarrassment. There is other stuff too but its to painful to talk about.
You are not alone. I hope you resolve this very soon and come back here.
Though I never spoke to you, I will miss you.
Hugs and prayers - x
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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Re: I can't do this anymore guys
November 25, 2009, 09:56:31 PM
(((((((mjgirl)))))) peace, light and love to you dear girl...please don't go, not because of the forum but because you were able to reach out here.  While I do not walk in your shoes I do understand 'clinical major depression' and everything that you wrote fits the diagnosis ( I am not a physician and am not labeling you), I am someone that has had to battle it my entire life.  I implore you to speak with a counselor... if you find it difficult to talk during your appointment write it in a letter before hand.  You write beautifully, your emotions poured through your message...this is what I have done in the past, it honestly helped because I didn't feel as though I even deserved to be making someone listen to me!  I am sure to most that sounds ridiculous as that is what you are there for and paying them for their service, but when you are feeling so low you honestly feel worthless!
There is more out there and you do deserve all of it!!!!  Please pm me if I am able to help in any possible way, I care for you and see the beautiful light in you!!!!  If at all possible find the time to visit a homeless shelter, animal rescue society, or a food bank over the holidays...you will be amazed what helping someone else does to boost your serotonin level and make you feel that you do have something to offer no matter how small!  It's a slow climb, and sometimes you slip but never give up!  Namaste.
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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Re: I can't do this anymore guys
November 26, 2009, 07:02:08 PM
Thanks everyone for your nice replies... and to those who sent me PM's... thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.. I will try and be strong, but I am still very sad right now...

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family, but of course the topic of Michael Jackson popped up... my aunt asked me what the status was on Murray, and I explained that they were letting him work etc, and how some fans were mad about that, and some other family members joined in, and said, "He didn't even kill Michael." I sat quietly, then they said, "Michael chose to take those pills. No one is to blame but himself. He made that choice, and did that to himself."

Now, this bothers me, even though we know the real situation, (Or at least that what happened that day is false), but to know that people would think he would be so careless, and destroy himself... it just bothers me... :(

Anyways, I am trying to be happy... thanks everyone.. I will try and post when I can on here. I love you all.

*Hugs & Kisses*
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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*

MissG

Re: I can't do this anymore guys
November 26, 2009, 07:22:52 PM
Quote from: "mjgirl86"
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....

[youtube:3384mnfu]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-G8IfjPAII[/youtube:3384mnfu]
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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("Minkin güerveeeee")
Michael pls come back


"Why a four-year-old child could understand this hoax. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it"

Re: I can't do this anymore guys
November 27, 2009, 07:53:48 AM
i dont wanna do this anymore but i cant help myself its like an addiction i cannot stay away  im afraid im here to the very end whenever that may be
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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Re: I can't do this anymore guys
November 27, 2009, 09:30:23 AM
Aw, I hope you feel better soon! If you ever need someone to talk to you can add me on msn, You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login

So much love for you here, I hope you feel it :)
Good luck with getting everything on track
I wish you the best. L.O.V.E. :)
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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I\'m only human



twitter.com/dexember_

Re: I can't do this anymore guys
December 10, 2009, 06:38:35 PM
Sort yourself out and come back soon we will be waiting for you.  Be strong.  We will pray for you xx
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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Re: I can't do this anymore guys
December 11, 2009, 08:28:20 AM
:cry: i  need help from my family i have not lost my faith ,cos i no mj is alive.it is all this running around i cant take it much more,it is like someone is playing games with us,ok mj wants us to no he is alive,but its getting to much,i think me and BAXTER need to stay in the padded cell for a few days ,i really am losing it now ,i cant play this game till he returns,to many people are getting hurt ,its all these fake mjs out there on youtube,twitter and facebook,and everywhere else,they suck people in then they turn out to be fake and so many people get hurt.i do think mj is out there trying to speak with us but how will we really no if it is him,and is there not a better way to do it without breaking so many hearts,i hope you all understand what i mean :?
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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Re: I can't do this anymore guys
December 11, 2009, 08:36:08 AM
Quote from: "mjgirl86"
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....

Please please don't do this, just think about how Michael would be saddened by reading your post, and who knows maybe he is actually reading it!!! Just think about it. You are not less than anyone around you, pls!!!!  you are a unique individual. I'm sure. Please take care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think about Michael. You sure want to be around when he comes back, don't you??? :mrgreen:
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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Re: I can't do this anymore guys
December 11, 2009, 08:36:57 AM
You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login
Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest
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Everyday creates your HIStory.........
Everypath you take your leaving your legacy.......

 

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