Perhaps this will make you smile a little bit. It did for me. During the memorial service, there was a blogger, alas, the Hoax Begins:
In a perfect world, the guy that did the moonwalk on the Motown 25th Anniversary Special would still be creating legendary music, not tabloid headlines. Even in death, in a perfect world, Michael Jackson would be honored at a private memorial by friends and family, not at the Staples Center. But he is and here we are. When you think about it, this is the reality only because this is, as a society, what we want. This is our comeuppance. And this is the definition of a media spectacle and that is why we are here, covering it live. Not to make light of a man's death but, instead, marvel at the media spotlight that, perhaps, lead the man being honored to this premature day in the first place.
Please make sure to comment with your own thoughts. Mike will do his best to respond to you in the comment section.
3:50PM - OK, that's it! (I think, I'm really not sure. But, as far as i'm concerned, it is.) Thanks everyone! Just remember "The love you take is equal to the love you make." (Yes, that's a Beatles song but Michael did own them.)
3:47PM - The guy speaking told everyone at home to grab the hand of the person next to them. I'm alone on my couch in my apartment. Should I go to my neighbor's apartment? I'm so confused!
3:46PM - Everyone thought it was over. People were leaving! There's another guy speaking! They all say the same thing!
3:45PM - Will this ever end!
3:41PM - Paris Jackson speaking! Crazy. I've never heard her speak. Has anyone?!
3:38PM - I was wondering when the first Three Stooges reference would be made. Great job, Marlon!
3:34PM - House lights? Please!
3:32PM - I mean, this HAS to be the finale, right? RIGHT?!
3:32PM - I'm curious to know who's just mouthing the words to "Heal the World."
3:27PM - And now "We are the World." Will Huey Lewis show up?
3:24PM - Greatest words I've heard at this event "Before we conclude the memorial"! The end is in sight!
3:22PM - Ah, I see, he was supposed to sing with Michael in London.
3:20PM - Shaheen Jafargholi. Really? Is this necessary?
3:19PM - And now, the kid from one of those talent shows is singing.
3:15PM - Smokey is giving a pretty great speech, actually. Why can't they all be like this?
3:13PM - Well, it's time for round two. Smokey is back.
3:10PM - There was a photo of MJ with Jim Henson and Kermit the frog in the background. Yes, Jim Henson, gone too soon, too!
3:09PM - Usher performing "Gone Too Soon."
3:05PM - What is longer: Sheila Jackson Lee's speech or Federer v. Roddick Wimbledon Finals 2009?
3:01PM - She just clarified that people are "innocent until proven otherwise." Appropriate?
3:00PM - Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee from Houston, TX is now speaking. Sure, why not?
2:57PM - From mmbaldies: the BEST tribute would be if someone said "this is for Michael" and decks Joe Jackson.
2:56PM - OK, no offence to current speakers but I could go for a Lionel Richie song right about now.
2:54PM - MLK III speaking.
2:52PM - Now that Michael is gone, who becomes the new King of Pop? Is it like royal bloodlines? Blanket?
2:49PM - Jermaine Jackson singing "Smile." I look at Jermaine and think, "This is what Michael *should* look like right now." Wow.
2:48PM - And now, ladies and gentlemen... Yanni!
2:46PM - Brooke loved Michael's "loyalty to a flower." I have completely lost any sense of what anyone is trying to say today.
2:43PM - Allright, Brooke. I get it: You were at Liz Taylor's wedding, we wern't.
2:41PM - You know: I think this might be one of Michael's only true friends.
2:40PM - Brooke Shields is speaking. She legitimately looks upset.
2:38PM - All the Jackson brothers ARE wearing one glove. I kind of like it.
2:38PM - I love how Michael jackson gave himself the name "King of Pop." You can do that?!
2:36PM - OK, Mayer's facial expressions are freaking me out.
2:34PM - John Mayer performing "Human Nature." For some reason, this fits.
2:31PM - Al Sharpton: "Every time he got knocked down, he got back up!" Oh, pul-ezze... I know that wasn't Michael Jackson. That was Chumbawamba!
2:29PM - Al Sharpton: (I'm Paraphrasing) "Michael Jackson is the reason Obama is President." Huh?!
2:27PM - Ladies and Gentlemen: A man who looks like Al Sharpton only 150 pound lighter.
2:24PM - From Bruce Bernstein: Still can't believe MJ's funeral is at a hockey rink.
2:23PM - Jennifer Hudson is singing "Will You Be There." This is the best performance so far.
2:22PM - Oddest celebrity appearance? Conway Twitty?
2:21PM - Magic: "I want to thank Michael Jackson for opening so many doors for African Americans, being on late-night shows." So Michael Jackson is to blame for "The Magic Hour"?
2:18PM - Oh Magic Johnson. "I truly believe Micheal made me a better point guard." Really!?
2:16PM - Ha! Kobe Bryant! He wins! He wins the award for oddest appearence at this event
2:15PM - If MJ were here, I think he would want a far less somber set list of songs, no?
2:11PM - Stevie is singing "Never Dreamed You'd Leave in Summer." Is he saying he pictured MJ passing in a different season?
2:09PM - Though, I would love to see Joe Piscopo sit down next to him at the piano in his Frank Sinatra costume.
2:08PM - I can't make the snark. Stevie is making me sad.
2:07PM - Stevie Wonder is here!
2:06PM - OK, the video of "Jam" with Michael Jackson playing basketball with Michael Jordan... I have no words.
2:05PM - Recurring theme in MJ videos: MJ being chased; dancing.
2:04PM - Michael Jackson montage time.
2:03PM - CNN has four live cameras set up. I like how they have to get the reaction from Harlem AND Times Square.
2:02PM - It's official: Berry Gordy likes to talk.
2:02PM - Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa?
2:01PM - From Alter-Ego: It's all a hoax. Michael's gonna sit up in the coffin and jump out and start dancing to "Wanna Be Startin' Something" and then announce that he's going to do a world tour and release a new album.
2:00PM - Johnny Bench?
2:00PM - James Cameron?
1:59PM - Who would be the oddest person to speak at this event? Sharon Stone?
1:58PM - I have to admit: The way Berry Gordy says the name "Tito" (Tee-toe) makes me chuckle.
1:57PM - I just remembered, Michael Jackson sang the backup vocals on Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me," so, I guess, that one's out.
1:55PM - Berry Gordy: "And now for a performance by my son, Rockwell!"
1:55PM - Berry Gordy is speaking.
1:52PM - The name of the song Lionel is singing is "Jesus is Love." Come on, Lionel, you could have gotten away with "Say You, Say Me"!
1:51PM - Lionel Richie! There really was no chance of him singing "Dancing on the Ceiling" was there?
1:50PM - And stay tune for my cover of "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse, you know, just in case.
1:49PM - From Agent Smith: 50 bucks Mariah just covered that song in case today ever happened so she could be center stage.
1:47PM - This really is surreal. If Michael appeared on stage and said this whole thing was a joke, then sang "Billie Jean," I wouldn't be surprised.
1:45PM - And now a word from Queen Latifah.
1:44PM - I'm hoping she breaks into "Vision of Love."
1:42PM - What's the protocol for dress at an event like this? A suit? Chinos? Jams?
1:40PM - Mariah Carey is now singing "I'll Be There." And, of course, milking it for all it's worth.
1:39PM - They keep showing fans at the Neverland Ranch. Can you just go there and hang out?
1:39PM - The Rev Lucious Smith is speaking. And he just dropped the line 'And we remember the time." Intentional reference?
1:37PM - Great to hear people in the crowd yell "Michael!"
1:35PM - So, yes, Michael Jackson's casket is front and center at the Staples Center.
1:34PM - The memorial has begun!
1:31PM - I was kidding before, but I would gladly watch Sarah Palin sing "Ben" right about now.
1:28PM - Twenty thousand people are now wondering why they wanted to attend this event.
1:26PM - OK. There is absolutley nothing going on at the Staples Center right now. Nothing.
1:24PM - Re: You Can't Do That On Television. Someone said they didn't know and green slime fell on them. Not convinced it's actually live coverage.
1:23PM - I have to admit: Smokey really didn't warm up the crowd.
1:22PM - Why we are in this break I think I'll check out what those crazy kids over at "You Can't Do That On Television" think about all of this.
1:18PM - Was that it? Smokey reads a letter, then, "Goodnight everybody, drive safely!"
1:17PM - I would love to see the juggler, Chris Bliss, take the stage who opened for the jacksons on the Victory Tour.
1:13PM - I was right!
1:13PM - OK, Smokey, please state who these letters are from before you start reading them. I'm assuming this one is from Mandella?
1:12PM - Reading a statement from Diana Ross.
1:12PM - Smokey Robinson has taken the stage
1:10PM - When Joe Jackson is mentioned does anyone else get confused and think of the British recording artist who sang "Steppin' Out"?
1:08PM - Cardinals! Midwest! Bruce Springsteen! Star Wars! OK, all wagers should now be taken care of now, yes?
1:07PM - From: Agent Smith Mike, thank you. The over/under for your first midwest reference was 21 minutes and I'm the only one who took the over.Cha-ching!
1:06PM - I can only hope that when I die, my funeral is at the Izod Center in East Rutherford, NJ.
1:03PM - "Tell Me I'm not Dreamin'" is a solid song!
1:00PM - Predection over the next year: The resurgence of Jermaine Jackson's career.
12:59PM - CNN reporting "the body is in the building."
12:56PM - I have a feeling some sort of brooch will be involved.
12:54PM - From Squints: Apparently Billy May's funeral featured guys in rolled-up blue button-down shirts. Will the pallbearers bringing MJ's casket to the memorial wear sparkly gloves?
12:54PM - Ha! From Alter-Ego: What about Noggin?
12:53PM - Of course, this one is multiplied by about eleventy million.
12:52PM - I've actually been to a public funeral. Legendary broadcaster Jack Buck at St. Louis's Busch Stadium. You really don't realize how, kind of, bizarre the whole thing is until you get there.
12:50PM - From Guy Nacolojist: "How awful would it be to just be driving along in L.A., just trying to get to work, and the Michael Jackson funeral procession passes you?"`and if you're this person that Mike is talking about, you truly are a moron and a detriment to humanity because you should've known about it and planned accordingly.
12:48PM - The hearse has arrived! (I think)
12:48PM - You know, you can just put a big ole' (SIC) on this entire live blog. I have no spell check.
12:47PM - From Agent Smith: It's "hearse" people, not "herse"
12:46PM - I think I'm looking the most forward to Sarah Palin's rendition of "Ben."
12:45PM - The Staples Center is starting to fill up. Herse still on the highway.
12:44PM - I'm flipping around channels. BET's coverage: so far the most straight laced and respectful. In other words: Not going to be watching much of their coverage.
12:40PM - Yep, it's true, I'm live blogging a herse driving the local speed limit.
12:39PM - From KDeLaRiva: Alright, I like Michael Jackson. I live in Northwest Indiana so I understand the hype, especially in this area, but following the herse is kind of disturbing me.
12:38PM - How awful would it be to just be driving along in L.A., just trying to get to work, and the Michael Jackson funeral procession passes you?
12:34PM - Over/Under for how many times we hear "Man in the Mirror" today?
12:29PM - What channel is eveveryone watching? I think QVC's coverage has been exceptional so far.
12:25PM - Umm, the 12:23 joke. Not mine.
12:19PM - You know, there was a small part of me today that was worried that I would wouldn't know what channel to find MJ coverage on.
"Mike's Pulse" is a column written by transplanted Midwesterner and current New Yorker Mike Ryan. For any compliments or complaints -- preferably the former -- you may contact Mike directly at You are not allowed to view links.
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