No idea for title

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Offline whatyourheartsays

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No idea for title

  • on: February 28, 2010, 07:38:07 PM
Now that I opened this page to writte you something, I am just speechless since 10 minutes, writting, erasing, writting again...don't know where to start.
It's so difficult to find words to tell about 17 years of hopes. Hope to help you, hope to meet you, hope to make you happy. There are so many movies in my head in whitch I was rescuing you from media and from the world...I wish I was a super heroe, but I'm just a girl, to shy to dare come to see you, to shy to go to a concert, and now I'm a woman, considering how stupid she's been and finally trying to say how she feels.

I still don't know what to think of all this. Why, how, for how long, when... so much questions are waiting for truth to come. But who cares about ways and means ? who cares about causes and consequences... The only one that matters is you. The only things I hope is that you actually escaped from this, choosin the best for yourself. I hope you now realise that people never stopped loving you, I hope you are now free from media and from this public/business life destroying all your secret gardens and strangling your creativity. I hope you found your own and brand new Giving Tree to climb, and that you can now have new flowers that are born in the garden that hides your soul. I hope you lighted a new little star in your eyes and forgot about sadness. I hope you are caring for yourself, and loving yourself.

I wish I was a little mouse, spying to find the truth out of all this.
I know it seems egoistic but I hope all this happens to you cause it would only mean one thing to me : a little girl's dream can sometime come true. And knowing that wishing upon a star can make a dream come true, would be my best hope for this world where i'm now staying without you.

Sorry for bad english, and stupid thoughts, I was just trying to fight myself to tell you for once, something that sounds like "I l*** you"
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline DancingTheDream

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Re: No idea for title

  • on: February 28, 2010, 07:45:35 PM
I was also too shy to write a letter or go to a concert.   :D

I always wanted to write to him, but just thought to myself "dont be stupid, as if he would read a letter from me and be interested!"

So i know how you feel. x
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Its her

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Re: No idea for title

  • on: March 01, 2010, 08:47:45 PM
Quote from: "whatyourheartsays"
Now that I opened this page to writte you something, I am just speechless since 10 minutes, writting, erasing, writting again...don't know where to start.
It's so difficult to find words to tell about 17 years of hopes. Hope to help you, hope to meet you, hope to make you happy. There are so many movies in my head in whitch I was rescuing you from media and from the world...I wish I was a super heroe, but I'm just a girl, to shy to dare come to see you, to shy to go to a concert, and now I'm a woman, considering how stupid she's been and finally trying to say how she feels.

I still don't know what to think of all this. Why, how, for how long, when... so much questions are waiting for truth to come. But who cares about ways and means ? who cares about causes and consequences... The only one that matters is you. The only things I hope is that you actually escaped from this, choosin the best for yourself. I hope you now realise that people never stopped loving you, I hope you are now free from media and from this public/business life destroying all your secret gardens and strangling your creativity. I hope you found your own and brand new Giving Tree to climb, and that you can now have new flowers that are born in the garden that hides your soul. I hope you lighted a new little star in your eyes and forgot about sadness. I hope you are caring for yourself, and loving yourself.

I wish I was a little mouse, spying to find the truth out of all this.
I know it seems egoistic but I hope all this happens to you cause it would only mean one thing to me : a little girl's dream can sometime come true. And knowing that wishing upon a star can make a dream come true, would be my best hope for this world where i'm now staying without you.

Sorry for bad english, and stupid thoughts, I was just trying to fight myself to tell you for once, something that sounds like "I l*** you"

Never be sorry for reaching out to someone. At least you had the guts to try. Your thoughts here were very charming and sweet!

I've torn up more letters than I care to admit, myself, because MY thoughts were stupid. I was an embarrassment to myself, and I would not have read my letter!!!

I always thought he was TOO handsome, TOO smart, TOO talented, TOO experienced, TOO confident, TOO exciting, TOO wealthy, and TOO good to be true for me.  

And then I'd catch just a fleeting glimpse of the sweet boy inside him, on his adult face, and I'd want THAT, SO much---enough to attempt SOME contact...to take a single step towards him. But nope, could not do it.

Emotional vulnerability scares the living daylights out of me. It's such a maddeningly uncomfortable position to be in! It would be manageable if one could hide it---but trying to talk with your tongue in a ridiculous knot makes one "OOZE self-betrayal"!! AND---it makes everyone else so uncomfortable, EVERYbody around wants to crawl away FOR YOU :lol:  :lol: !!

My thoughts go like this: What if he's NOT that sweet boy, after all the persecution and HATE crammed down his throat.... And---he always WAS was SO fierce in some songs and videos, anyway. Leather. Buckles. Studded outfits. Pirate clothes. My favorite! yeah. But SO sweet and smiley. He would make mean faces on screen and then SO,

 SO TENDERLY

touch the cheeks of babies,

and don't even get me started on Bubbles. I've seen real sweet love on his face, holding that little monk. (I haven't ever seen it again, because he's learned to hide it now.)

But all it did was scare me, because it appeared to be TOO wonderful that it REALLY existed on earth, and was yet, so far out of reach...WHAT do I do? What a storybook dream guy for a girl's hungry heart. Saying he's so lonely all the time, too...He just HAD to be too good to be true. He was making a complete fool of me from miles and miles away...something that prevented my presence in ANY proximity to him.

To this DAY, he scares me so.

There is also,  that, I've now  seen him FOAMING (albeit, very righteously!)MAD...which only escalated my fears :lol:  :shock:

I could not take that. Not for one moment. Holy moley, that just about ended "us"; talk about a black Tornado! :shock:  I never saw that before. Never dreamed he could be that seriously fierce... But...I HAD to come back to him. :?  :lol:

It's kind of like that "Moth to the Flame" thing. CAN'T HELP IT. I just tell my self, I'm alive today because didn't chase him down, and crash and burn. I've loved him from a "safe" distance, like a good little girl, who wants to live forever, TOO.

It's even worse, now, and probably for you, too, because NOW, I know what it REALLY is like to have him DIE without EVER even just touching him--reassuring myself that he is not a figment of my wild imagination, that there really was someone like him on MY planet.

 I don't EVER, ever want to feel THAT godawful creepiness in my soul again, of the END of him.

That said, now that we know he's alive, and I'll be getting back into my "Moth/Flame mode, once again. :oops:

I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to take on that heartbreaker. How does one become "Every wonder in the world" to THAT guy?  You know?    :?
 
 8-) Thank you for sharing your heart. :)  I pray each of us finds that True Everlasting love, someday. I'm hoping that this shyness is just something protective, which will go away when it is supposed to. :roll:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline whatyourheartsays

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Re: No idea for title

  • on: March 03, 2010, 02:57:48 PM
Thank you for those words. They sound so true to me. I know exactly how you feel. But I must say I've been growing old since those "desperate" days, and now I just tell myself "life is too short to live in "dreams"" I mean at this time of my life, I've been so "controled" during my childhood and begining of my life. I was not allowed to go out playing with friends, not allowed to have boyfriend, and after that I lived 3 years of my life with a totally jalouse guy, considering me as an object he possessed. Not allowed to make my own choice, not allowed even to see my friends (again...)
So now I've broken those chains, I know that if I learn Michael's alive, I would surely go straight to him, tell him how I feel because there are so many things i've missed in my live... I mean I would surely feel completely stupid, and he would surely totally don't care, but I don't consider him as a superstar in the "unreachable" way. I mean I know now what's important in life, and it's surely not money or being famous, or things like that. I think I'm now free enough to consider people has they deserve. I've lost so muc time, I just want to focus on important things about life.
You see in my animal rescuing business, I saw one day a guy, famous soccer player, worldly known who came to me to abandon his daughter's rats (without telling her) He came at home, left the 2 rats and then went to the school to take his little 8 years old girl, and tell her she would never see her animal's again. I just couldn't bare it and I sent an email to them, talking to the little girl about her rats, so she understood what happened and where the rats were. I don't even know if she was allowed to read it.
After that, everybody wanted to know what happened with this guy, did he gave money
for organisation, did he said something, how was he looking like, did I asked for autograph to sell on Ebay...
and the only thing I wanted to answer, and that I actually answered was : "you know it's just another a**hole that abandonned his daoughter's animal without telling her. I didn't ask or autograph cause anyway, i don't like soccer ! what was the point to ask him for autograph ? I don't like this guy..." For me he was not a famous soccer player who deserved RESPECT, he was just a man, no good father and no good pet owner. This really showed me that money and popularity doesn't make people better...So I just consider people has they are, in their deep heart. That's what interest me.
I mean if I ever had the chance to meet Michael and that I realised he was not the guy he pretended to be, I guess all his popularity would not buy my love. I would run away. I just feel he is definitly what he wanted to show us. Loving and caring. That's the one I want to see, nothing else. I like what people have inside, not what they try to show.

That's why I would have like to meet him ; just to see what's inside, without all we can see around him. Because you can have no more money, you can not be famous anymore, but you can not change who you are.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline loyalfan

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Re: No idea for title

  • on: March 03, 2010, 03:28:54 PM
NEVER BE EMBARASSED TO SHOW KINDNESS AND LOVE........YOU ARE NOT ALONE WITH THESE FEELINGS.......I AM TOO OLD TO EVEN GET A LOOK IN WHEN IT COMES TO MICHEAL.......BUT I CAN WISH AND DREAM TO BE A FRIEND TO HIM,ALTHOUGH I KNOW HE WILL NEVER READ ANYTHING I HAVE PUT DOWN IN WORDS......THERE ARE SOOO MANY OF US WHO CARE ABOUT HIM,AND HE WOULD NOT HAVE TIME TO WRITE TO US......BUT I DONT MIND BECAUSE HE IS IN MY HEART....XXXX
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Its her

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Re: No idea for title

  • on: March 03, 2010, 10:42:35 PM
Quote from: "whatyourheartsays"
Thank you for those words. They sound so true to me. I know exactly how you feel. But I must say I've been growing old since those "desperate" days, and now I just tell myself "life is too short to live in "dreams"" I mean at this time of my life, I've been so "controled" during my childhood and begining of my life. I was not allowed to go out playing with friends, not allowed to have boyfriend, and after that I lived 3 years of my life with a totally jalouse guy, considering me as an object he possessed. Not allowed to make my own choice, not allowed even to see my friends (again...)
So now I've broken those chains, I know that if I learn Michael's alive, I would surely go straight to him, tell him how I feel because there are so many things i've missed in my live... I mean I would surely feel completely stupid, and he would surely totally don't care, but I don't consider him as a superstar in the "unreachable" way. I mean I know now what's important in life, and it's surely not money or being famous, or things like that. I think I'm now free enough to consider people has they deserve. I've lost so muc time, I just want to focus on important things about life.
You see in my animal rescuing business, I saw one day a guy, famous soccer player, worldly known who came to me to abandon his daughter's rats (without telling her) He came at home, left the 2 rats and then went to the school to take his little 8 years old girl, and tell her she would never see her animal's again. I just couldn't bare it and I sent an email to them, talking to the little girl about her rats, so she understood what happened and where the rats were. I don't even know if she was allowed to read it.
After that, everybody wanted to know what happened with this guy, did he gave money
for organisation, did he said something, how was he looking like, did I asked for autograph to sell on Ebay...
and the only thing I wanted to answer, and that I actually answered was : "you know it's just another a**hole that abandonned his daoughter's animal without telling her. I didn't ask or autograph cause anyway, i don't like soccer ! what was the point to ask him for autograph ? I don't like this guy..." For me he was not a famous soccer player who deserved RESPECT, he was just a man, no good father and no good pet owner. This really showed me that money and popularity doesn't make people better...So I just consider people has they are, in their deep heart. That's what interest me.
I mean if I ever had the chance to meet Michael and that I realised he was not the guy he pretended to be, I guess all his popularity would not buy my love. I would run away. I just feel he is definitly what he wanted to show us. Loving and caring. That's the one I want to see, nothing else. I like what people have inside, not what they try to show.

That's why I would have like to meet him ; just to see what's inside, without all we can see around him. Because you can have no more money, you can not be famous anymore, but you can not change who you are.


 AMEN! Now that some of us are awake, we need to seize the day! and make what time we have left really count. It's TOO darn late to cry over regret and bad choices , or being restricted from making your own choices for a time.

 We just need to go on and do what is needed, and God will equip us and, as you said, send people to help us.

 :roll: Bands of helpers really do fall apart without leadership.

 Not everyone has that gift, either. One can tell who has it, because God sends people in droves to a true leader with that gift of focussing people {Incidentally, one reason the powers that Be in the US FEARed MJ so much}.  

But we really aren't going to be rewarded on who we followed somewhere. We can't use the excuse that there perhaps WAS no one who would Start something for us.  :? GOD started alot of things, and sent people to work on the details. There are so many organizations that just need bodies to man the posts. If people are unsure where to help, PRAY! God can hook you up with the exact place YOU need to be.  :D  ;)

We have a duty to lead ourSELVES in a life of secret service to others. Give without letting the left hand know what the right hand is doing.


GOD sees EVERYTHING, and has promised  8-) to reward you OPENLY. I love what someone put on this forum, somewhere about doing the most good you can to everyone you can, ETC, quoting John Wesley (who was paraphrasing the Word of God.

I love that.

It makes your life directive, so TIGHT and CLEAR. 8-)

BTW, Don't get discouraged when you see people like that guy. He's doing the best he can, probably. Perhaps his child got bitten  or is allergic to the animals, or something. Asthma can kill. My parents gave my birdie away because I had pneumonia for three winters in a row, until I was 5, when shut up in the house.

Come to find out, it wasn't the bird---it was my dad's smoking!!  :roll: Parents are finding their way, just as kids are. Whenever one tries to find their niche and HELP, somehow, devils come out of the woodwork to block or even OVERWHELM  you, by showing you so many wrong things you can do nothing about.... Just laugh, thank God for his Love and grace, and go on.

The best revenge is SUCCESS!!!!! :D  :D  :lol: Here's to happier times and more love in all of our lives. 8-)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline whatyourheartsays

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Re: No idea for title

  • on: March 04, 2010, 07:11:59 AM
I don't know..this guy gave the animals cause his new wife couldn't stand to see the girl too close to animals. She had special relationship with those animal. I guess she NEEDED them in a way. And they just took it away from her cause they decided it was "insane" to be closer to animal then to people. But she's only 8, she NEEDS such kind of friends...how could she ever understand this decision. You have friends and because you care for them, they're taken away from you...Strange decision, and more strange way to act with kid. :roll: No explaination, to try to understand. I just felt so sad for this girl.

You see, when you see how people act with their animal you just understand a lot about them. What they need, how they act with people or livings that they consider to be "less" than them. Sometimes it's really hard to realise that some people are just "monsters" and totally don't care about LIFE. You know, animals always want to live. We rescue them, place them in other famillies, but when they're gone, you feel good but you still have this horrible taste in your mouth telling you that something's going wrong in this world. The minute before, you thought everything was better and you have new case showing how cuel people can be.
I just try to do my best to keep living in this world. In the beginning I was shy, thinking I was the strange girl and that the world was wonderful and "normal" but now that I know it, I don't want to live in that world. I just try to keep the more distance I can to protect myself and to keep my HOPE safe.
Healing the world is not that difficult...trust me ! But the worst, is to realise that some of us keep destroying it. And you "despair/despare ?" from human nature. In those times I just HATE the whole planet and don't want to see anyone ! How could we have a chance to change if some people keep being selfish, and never feel concerned ? Hopefully I have small victories everyday, helping not to feel so "powerless" but I really doubt we could have this BIG change everyone waits for.

And there is the problem, evrybody "waits" for something they should be starting by themselves !
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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