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but I love him too much for that, I'm just having so much heartache over what's happened and it hurts too much to love him. And I feel so mad at him for not putting himself first, I wish there was no this is it or pleasing his fans, the industry or children if I knew what would happen. I feel guilty and selfish too for wanting him to do this so badly I'm still mad at the doctor but now I'm mad at the poor thing and he doesn't deserve this venom from me I can't even listen to him today, I'm listening to other artists and saying "fuck him" over and over and yet I replay june 25th in my head over and over. Does anyone have moments like this?
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