As I sit here trying to live

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Crescendo

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As I sit here trying to live

  • on: December 06, 2009, 04:46:37 AM
I don't mean to make this sound so dark. I know I must go on. Whatever be the circumstance with Mj.. and I am not changing my mind about Mj being alive. I think there is a really BIG chance he is. I don't want to speak for sure because i dont wanna mess things up. I just wanted to open this thread just to describe my feelings for this man and the troubled life I feel he led

today my heart is hurting like it has in the past.

I rented the book "The Michael Jackson tapes" from the library and my mom has been reading in it and today she read me a few paragraphs from it. She told me how she cried some when she read it.

When I hear about Mj doing all these nice things for people and how many times when Michael needed someone no one was there, it deeply hurts me. So deeply. I can't concentrate on my own struggles. It makes me wants so much for me to have been there and been a friend if nothing else. Shmuley said (which i agree with) that Mj needed a wife that would have guided him properly. but i still think (aside from not having awife) michael didn't have enough friends. I mean real true friends. not people who buzzed around him for what they could steal from him.

I just wish I could have been there. or i wish someone who was a beautiful person (on the inside) would have hung around him and helped him.

Such sad stories are in schmuleys book. My mother read me a paragraph which spoke of Michael having a birthday and shmuley visited him but I guess Michael's family did not visit nor call Michael. ON HIS OWN BIRTHDAY!. I realize Mj's mom is a jehovah's witness which means they dont celebrate such occasions but i dont think the rest of his family follow the same beliefs so they couldn't have called him or rung once? another story is that Michael and Prince,Paris, and Blanket spent thanksgiving with schmuley and his family. basically Michael had no where else to go. :cry: I read a part where when Michael spent time with shmuley's kids Michael would almost like sit on his hands to show that nothing was going on (obviously it was after these false allegations were made). omg.. that is soo sad. and when shmuley said his own (shmuleys) children cried when they heard the news of Mj "dying" also kills me.

my gosh i mean yeah so Michael had alot of money and fame and tons of fans, but did he have the important things like God in his life, family, true friends? my gosh and i know there are many fans who would have given those things (loyalty and trustworthiness) to him but its hard because there are so many fans and its hard to tell the true fans from the fake.

and with all the good things Mj did and the news doesnt acknowledge.
al sharpton said it well. some people treated Mj like a god. some treated him liek a very bad person.

but Michael was a human. a wonderful person. and its just such a sad horrible devastating shame that this beautiful man didnt have beautiful people surrounding him leading him in the right direciton instead of taking from him.

Michael, my heart goes out to you, sweet person.
and i dont mean to put Mj on this pedestal that he was perfect and all. i believe he was human with flaws just like the rest of us. but i think he has/ had many good qualities about him that you dont find in many people.

i didnt mean to bring anyone down by this. i just wanted to share my feelings.

I miss Michael so much and I hope and pray he is well wherever he is.

edit: another thing is i dont know if its just me (and im really spilling my guts now) but when i see the rest of hollywood doing their thing, singing and dancing, its makes me think like hello people (imaginging Michael really is gone) a legend like Michael Jackson is supposed to be gone, how are yall (as celebs) continuing to dance and sing and party like its no big deal? Idk maybe because im sad i think everyone else should be too. Im kinda on the outside lookin in. everyone inside is enjoying life and im out in the cold rain.

Man and Christmas music used to always make me happy. when i'd listen to it everything was right with the world. but i cant seem to get into the Christmas spirit. I cant seem to enjoy the Christmas music lke i once did.

My brother has been playing this great band's music lately and they have really awesome songs but i just cant get into it. I just keep listening to Michael. sometimes i play an occasional song by someone else (just to give my mind a break from MJ because i dont wanna get burned out on him) but then i go right back to mj

Will we ever smile again? Will I ever really really truly laugh and smile again?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline princesspea

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Re: As I sit here trying to live

  • on: December 06, 2009, 04:32:02 PM
Yes you will! I will, we all will.

It's so hard right now and a lot of that has to do with this state of seemingly perpetual limbo we are living in.

Think of it this way, if Michael is alive whether or not he decides to return into the public eye he is out of all the negativity that pervaded his life.

IF he is truly gone (which he isnt) off ALL people in this world Michael Jackson would want you, us to be happy, to smile, to laugh. Look at Michael in his more private moments. He laughed, he joked, he played around and pulled pranks on people.

Michael truly appreciated the finer things in life like family and children and FUN. Now I dont know the man but dont you feel he would prefer his legacy to be about fun, laughter, love and music rather than us all be so absorbed in grief that we allow the best years of our lives to pass us by?

I have those dark days too, we all do. But we have to hold onto Michaels playful spirit. The light he brought into peoples lives. Dont let that light be extinguished by grief.

Big hugs to you

xxx melanie xxx
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »


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Offline MJ-Fan

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Re: As I sit here trying to live

  • on: December 06, 2009, 04:46:55 PM
I know exactly what you mean. :(
I watched a heart wrenching video of Michael saying things like 'When people say stuff about me it hurts me' and 'I'm not Jacko, I'm Jackson'. It literally makes me cry to see such a beautiful man being so hurt by people who don't even know him. People that just judge him based on lies and rumours.
I often wish I'd been able to meet him and just tell him how much I love him, to tell him that I KNOW he is a good person and would NEVER do anything bad to anybody.
It breaks my heart that Michael had almost no one there for him when he needed them most. I actually feel a pain in my heart for him. I look back to when he was about 18 and think, if only you knew what you were going to encounter :( That sweet, innocent, young man had so much crap coming his way that he didn't deserve. He trusted everyone and they betrayed him. All he did was try to share love. I hope all the people who tried to bring MJ down realise what they've done, I hope they live with that guilt eating away at them.
I love Michael so much and I'd do anything to talk to him and just tell him that there are so many genuine people who would always be there for him and be a TRUE FRIEND. I know I will always be there to defend him. Because that's all he needs, he needs us to stick up for him and give back the love he shares.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

\'Stop Existing And Start Living\'
\'This Life Don\'t Last Forever .. Hold My Hand\'
I LOVE you Michael x


Offline princesspea

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Re: As I sit here trying to live

  • on: December 06, 2009, 04:48:17 PM
We will ALWAYS have his back!!!! And we wont have a knife hiding in our other hand ready to stab him in it! :)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »


[size=150]angelbear.org.uk  [/size][/color](Because we Care) xxx

Offline Miss.Peppers

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Re: As I sit here trying to live

  • on: December 06, 2009, 04:52:32 PM
I agree with you and i think and feel all these things.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline mumof3

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Re: As I sit here trying to live

  • on: December 06, 2009, 04:53:21 PM
I too know what  you mean and how could such a kind man not be understood and cruely treated and not respected i just dont know, but at least we all have each other to prop each other up on a bad day.  hope you feel better soon
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Crescendo

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Re: As I sit here trying to live

  • on: December 06, 2009, 11:16:12 PM
Thats true. Really truly guys thank yall for the good things yall had to say.. I'm glad i have yall to understand me because even members of my own family don't understand why I cry over MJ so much. they always tell me its been 5 months when you gonna get over it? and it still hurts as if June 25th ws just yesteday.

okay imsorry i dont mean to be a big rain cloud over yall.

with all the strange coincidences going

Michael's gotta be somewhere out there. Lets find him yall.

Again thank you everybody!  :cry:  :D
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline shasta2001

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Re: As I sit here trying to live

  • on: December 07, 2009, 01:03:47 AM
I truely believe that Michael knows he has many really devoted fans. I am sure that is what keeps him going! He has more devoted fans than any entertainer in the world. Ever!

And that is in the present tense!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Butterfly J

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Re: As I sit here trying to live

  • on: December 07, 2009, 02:44:01 AM
I know how you feel and how it hurts. I´m agree with all of you.
I understand Hollywood - for them life goes on - fame and money, partys, interwiews, work, work, work - it´s just their life. They don´t have time to whine around and they can´t do it, they have to shine - they are entertainers.
What concerns me is what´s gonna happen in future? Who will be there for him? We are saying that we will always by there for him but in real life we just cant do it. If he is lonely in Christmas time most of us can´t hug him, we could invite him but he will not come, because we´re mostly connected only virtually with him. We are sending our love by writing but he can´t see our shining eyes our smiles, he can´t feel our support in real. Sorry for make a generalization, I know, there have been always some fans who were waiting for him outside of his house to show him love and support...oh, I don´t know how to say it... but I think every fan can´t be friend. I hope you understand what I mean. I actually don´t like the word "fan", I rather would chose to be a friend.
I hope I didn´t offend anyone. Sorry if I did it wasn´t my attention, my english just sucks :oops:  :D
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
You are the sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean & the beat in my heart... Thinking of you!

 

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