I thought I had survived the lowest point...

[GreenManMakeAChange]

Anytime, we're here for you and for each other.  Right now though, I feel I don't have a life.  I don't have a stable job and am stuck on what to do with my future, that's why I have a lot of time on my hands too and am crying and sleeping quite a bit as well.  I just have to keep having hope that things will get better for all of us.  I know I should pray about it, but I'm finding it hard to do as well, like I've lost faith sometimes.

[50thstatebeliever]

Hey "Greenman.."sorry to hear you are having a hard time with different areas right now...someone in the thread earlier, suggested that I go and do something positive, even the smallest of things - to help a stranger in need. I do agree with that - doing positive things for someone else, especially someone who is a stranger and did not expect you to come and do something for them - really plants a seed of positive hope in your heart. And alot of times, depression or negativity feeds upon itself - like a reflection of negativity will respond back in negativity. It then becomes a vicious cycle. There are things we can do that are totally free - to help others in need. Like going down to donate a couple hours at a shelter - to help with the meal assembly or whatever. Michael had his grand ways of reaching out to the world in need - but we don't need to have that kind of money to make a difference. And once you see that smile on someone's face, that joy in seeing you take interest in making their one day a better one - it is a powerful natural high - the best kind of high that makes you KNOW there is a purpose in everything. We are God's tools. Just like how Michael was. And Michael might not be able to physically do anything now, since he is no longer with us - but if we want his legacy to remain alive and if we don't want his struggles in life to be in vain, we can make a difference by doing something out there in our own towns, neighborhoods to make a single day better for a stranger. Believe me, it will make you feel like someone reached into your heart and took out all the sadness and replaced it with a light hearted joy. And that positivity regenerates within you, and that is where your optimism and energy to do things for yourself will come from - like new ideas to help land you a better job situation.
Remember that "Man in the Mirror" was meant for people, ordinary citizens like you and me and so many others...it was meant to reach out to us and speak to us, and MAKE us move towards the positive light.  
And in God's most precious message, He tells us that we need to take the first step, make that move, and He will come running to guide us, to take our hand. But he can't force us to make the move. He gives us the power to make the stand...and He'll do the rest.  I believe you can do it.  Whatever it is that inspires you, whatever it is that you love doing, that makes you YOU - do it.  He'll be there to raise you up and move you forward, if only you'll make that turn when you see it there. We never thought the day would actually come in our life times to see Obama become president. It happened. Jesse Jackson cried tears of joy watching the outcome of the new Presidency.  I wonder often, if MJ was watching, what he might have thought or said.  I only wish I could have seen MJ's reaction. "Man in the Mirror" would've been a great song for Obama's win. lol...a time for a new turning, a time for standing up to things that CAN happen. take care, and I hope you feel better soon. Michael planted a seed in all of us, a seed of thought, of hope, of insentive, of possibilities.  We can make an entire forest grow from that seed in our minds, our hearts.  We just need to nurutre it, like how a seed needs sunlight and water...

[GreenManMakeAChange]

50, I worked at shelters in the past, but even lost hope in jobs for helping people  cause I couldn't help myself and got miserable at them.  But I agree Man In the Mirror is so inspirational and makes me sensitive.  I don't give change to strangers, but one time I did it right after listening to it.  I love what you're saying, all of it but for some reason I can't think like that anymore.  Even though I always believed in God and was hopeful and all this stuff, I sometimes feel like I can't turn to God for this either, it's too hard.  Other times I wish I didn't love Michael so much and feel like I invested too much time, and it's not like I was expecting anything in return but I got high for years off the thought of seeing mj and I'm so sad about that being gone too though of course I'm sad he's gone, period and for his family.  And I used to sing and dance to mj with such passion, but I don't know if I ever will again cause I feel like it died with him and I used to feel like the more I do it, the closer I'm getting to seeing him one day, maybe I'm the screwed up one.

I guess I have to turn back to my faith though I did it in summer and overexerted myself.  Overpraying about overcoming this didn't help me immediately at all, it turned me off actually, but hopefully I will feel like myself again

[50thstatebeliever]

Greenman -http]have you seen this on youtube? Watch carefully from 4:26 minutes onwards. do you know the interpretation of MJ's hand signs? I didn't until I saw this today. It gave me a boost - I know that inside, I don't really want to let go of my belief. Most times I tell myself, it's only a matter of weeks until June 25th...and if nothing, then August 29th...aren't I willing to at least wait for those days? And then at the same time, I am afraid that being optimistic again, will only make me fall harder then, if nothing happens...It's so weird because when I watch MJ - I feel like I host his energy inside me - I don't mean I'm an impersonator or anything like that - I can't even dance. BUT...what I mean is it's as though the 'spirit' and 'energy' that a professional impersonator who is dancing and lipsynching has - I feel that energy inside, just watching MJ. It's hard to explain...and then when I get to thinking that he may be gone forever - that energy dies...like someone had cut off the main valve...

Can I ask what you do each day for a living?  What's your life background - family? There was a time before this whole MJ incident - that I had been going through emotional downs alot. I didn't want to take prescription meds for it, so I opted for a natural remedy and went to GNC and bought a bottle of St. John's Wort capsules. herbs...anyway I started taking them and it worked sooo well, I was amazed. And it had no side effects on me. It was as though someone had changed the color lens on the way I filter my daily life through my eyes, and I just went through each day feeling great. It wasn't like a 'giddy' kind of fabricated feeling like "ok, what are YOu on today?" no - it was a very natural sense of contentment, and the things that used to get me down, just the overall 'sheet' of heaviness and depression that hovered over me, felt like it was lifted and gone. Things that normally triggered my depression DID NOT even bother me any longer...I don't need to use it anymore - I haven't used it even when this whole MJ thing started. I never thought of using it, it never crossed my mind. Maybe subconciously I don't want to be cut free from the drama that I go through each day? I don't know...sometimes I think I am sooo "Capricorn", which I am...but it's like I do love the depth that comes with my character, because it makes life that much more interesting...maybe I'm my worst enemy...don't know...

For me right now, getting physcial exercise on a regular basis, getting my heart rate up and working out seems to help my mood elevate, pretty good. I think it's true that getting extra oxygen in and out promotes a healthier mood. It works for me. Greenman - just think about the well known MJ impersonators out there - imagine their lives, if we think ours have lost MJ...imagine what they feel - if the one that fed their soul to be what they are and do what they do - gone like that...I'd be devastated. what would be the strength for them to continue doing what they do? They not only breathed and lived MJ, but they were in a way, MJ in their own sense of reality.

Are you afraid of being let down this summer? Is that why you  don't have the optimism anymore? Sometimes I think we are more afraid of fear itself - than the actual reality that life will bring us, because we don't know our own strengths, our own capabilities. I'm slowly beginning to grab on tighter to the faith again that MJ will truly SHOCK the hell out of us, in his time.  And maybe I should not worry about how I am going to deal with th elet down if the let down happens...you can't go and live life predicting every single step, how we are going to feel or react or handle things. Imagine if Michael had to think about every step he would be taking next, every reaction he would be facing, every set back he would have to deal with in life - he wouldn't have survived all that he did, NO WAY. I believe that most often, he had to just LIVE. Just LIVE without thinking about the dominoe effect of how his feelings were going to affect the outcome. An old NIKe ad reminds me of a great statement: "JUST DO IT".  Babies, when they first learn to start walking, can learn because they FEAR NOTHING. They don't have a set place in their  minds that hold doubt, and restrain them from TRYING. We on the other hand, have the unfortunate element of fear from knowledge and wisdom from experiences. So fear often stops us from removing doubt and holds us back from improvement. Believe in yourself, Greenman, before god can work on you, through you. - He can't help you see if you keep your eyes closed...lots of doors may have shut, but there are still windows that can be opened and we can crawl out through them if we ADAPT ourselves to crawl through those smaller spaces...

[GreenManMakeAChange]

50, I used to impersonate him a little, but not professionally, just for fun.  I loved wearing clothes similar to his style years ago though I stopped and I loved to sing his songs or dance to them at events sometimes along with other artists stuff, and I used to get happy if people jokingly called me michael,or if they didn't know me but would bring up mj around me and look at me though I didn't do anything, that's why I feel like a part of me died.  I saw so much of myself in him, almost like a mirror, we definitely had some connection.  My eyes, smile, small build and dark hair made me think of his looks at times and though I know I don't really look just like him at all, for some reason he made me feel beautiful like him, and sometimes I still get told I sort of have an mj style though I'm not really trying.  For awhile I would look in the mirror and cry, missing him and didn't understand it, but I have completely different hair now and feel better.  As for myself, I live with family and have a social sciences background and have worked in the field though I 'm not working right now and I'm lost with what to do with myself in everything.  It's like I've lost myself  I was already depressed before he passed and wanted to make changes but this did a 360 on me.  I can't sleep tonight cause I can't stop thinking about this all.  I don't even know if  this is a hoax or not anymore, I'm not expecting a 'comeback' or preparing myself for one but if it happens I'm here, though this summer I'm going to focus on having a happy one cause last year was a very hard one.  I like what you said about opening up myself and believing in myself before God could help me.  I used to pray so hard but gave up though I'm slowly getting into it again.  I'm glad herbs worked for you, I'm taking anti depressants but am not happy with adjustments and all that, I HOPE IT WORKS OUT!!!

[50thstatebeliever]

Greenman, you'll be alright. I feel it. It might take some time, but you'll be ok. I sense that you can make it through, and you don't have to have all the answers before you right now. That's what life is, a journey - and we pick up the clues along the way, bit by bit, and each piece helps us go further ahead. If you ever get sick of the adjustments to the meds, do try the capsules from GNC. I swear - they are so good. And you don't have to worry about it being like chemical meds/prescriptions, because they are natural and safe. If I ever get to the low point again, I might go and get myself a bottle again, but thank God I haven't needed it for over a year.
I understand when you said you saw him in you - of course you felt it all crumble when he passed away. Would you believe I made myself my own MJ bracelet out of red string cord weaved, and black and white colored beads - I wear it to remember his strength. I never forget to put it on when I go to the gym. It helps me get through all the exercise I do. To me, those are great MJ colors - red, black and white. My fave colors of MJ.

A friend of mine had a dream the other month of MJ. She said she watched him sleeping, and when he awoke, he said smiling, "boy, I haven't slept like that in soo long, it felt good! I can always sleep better when you're around..thanks." and that was it. She thinks it's just a dream, I think maybe it's a sign.  Anyway, I think about how you're doing every now and then and I send out positive thoughts and prayers...to help you on your way, each day. Hope is all about the mindset. Remember that. What we tell ourselves in our heads is the most powerful tool - and also can be the most powerful weapon against our own sense of peace and success. Be strong and carry on...that is great that you impersonated MJ for the joy of it. Wish I could. LOL...that is a funny thought, imagining myself doing that. HA HA HAH. :lol:  :shock: wish I could've seen you do your MJ moves. Have a great day Greenman. Peace.

[GreenManMakeAChange]

aw the bracelet sounds really nice I always liked black, white and red anyways, so I continue to wear it.  That dream sounds really sweet, I usually believe they have signs and deeper messages to them too.

Everyone tells me I'll be alright, I guess I have to learn to believe it.  I didn't sleep all night and feel pretty weak right now and felt panicky a few hours ago.  I know I will be too and told myself that from day one, but it's still very hard.  Thanks so much for understanding though